Lil Zebby (Alpine Ascent of Pikes via Zeb's Arete)

The 5th Class Challenge

This post will be the first in my series of trip reports regarding my 5th class/roped ascents of Colorado’s 14ers, I will explain the rules behind my silly little project:
Starting February 11th, 2023, with my ascent of Noxious Fumes on Quandary, I decided to make a 5th class/roped ascent of every 14er in Colorado. My “New Game+”, for my Dark Souls fans out there.
Although certainly contrived, I have a simple set of criteria for the challenge. Regardless of distance and vert, whether 2 miles or 20, 500’ or 5,000’, I can count the ascent as long as, between getting out of my car and touching the summit, I carried up and needed a rope for at least one pitch. While “need” is highly relative, I am able to comfortably free solo around M2/WI2/5.6, so each of these lines needs to be harder than that. I intend to work my way through the obvious and far less contrived lines first, on routes like Ellingwood Arete and Willow Lake, before delving into the madness that is the likes of Princeton from Chalk Creek Canyon, or whatever I will send up San Luis. If I actually finish this project, it will require years of scouting, choss wrangling, and questionable choices. But after all, what is the alpinist if not a conqueror of the useless. So far, following this rule, I have sent the following peaks and lines:
Quandary - Noxious Fumes
Columbia - Rabbit Ridge
Longs - Notch Couloir Pikes Peak was next on the list.

Third Time’s the Charm

Twice before, I have started up the Barr trail with my sights set on Y-Couloir, intent on a mixed ascent of the left arm, and twice before, I have been turned back. Since these attempts, I've climbed far more extreme routes than Y, and the magic of that line has long faded, freeing me up for other considerations. With Wortmann's guidebook in hand, I had access to a long list of tantalizing options, and I chose Zeb's as my introduction to the Pike's alpine. This climb was a fun and relaxing way to tick this ascent off my list - a perfectly contrived climb for a contrived challenge. ## Zeb's Arete Where most alpine routes require multi hour approaches, camping, and early AM starts, Zeb's breaks every rule. It is easily accessed from the Pikes Peak highway - a climber need only arrive at the gate by 07:30, make the drive up to 13,000', and start down one of the route's neighboring gullies (gullies which will, for the duration of the climb, have you wondering, "why did I rope up again?"). It is a far cry from my normal 03:00 alarms, 10 mile approaches, and committing, inescapable lines.\ However, do not let this summation turn you off from the climb. Despite its accessibility and simplicity, it makes for an excellent day in the alpine, with its own share of memorable moves in a unique setting. Wortmann puts it best:\ "A suberb intro to alpine rock mountaineering, or a fun and quick jaunt for the seasoned alpinist." The route starts about halfway up bottomless pit, at 12,850' (Coords are 38.84880, -105.04975, for my fellow climbers), from an obvious notch on the arete. It climbs 6-8 pitches, ranging from 3rd class to 5.9. The experienced and focused climber could finish it in a couple of hours. Our full day, from car to summit and back was just 7 hours, even with our many stops to talk, enjoy the view, and snack. ## Clear Days and Easy Starts My climbing partner Hattie and I had initially planned on an ascent of Spearhead's N. Ridge, but with the Alexander Mountain fire roaring nearby, we pivoted for a similar line. Already on my list for the aforementioned 14er challenge, Zeb's seemed the right choice.\ The forecast showed a perfectly clear day, much needed for the forced late entry of the Pikes Peak highway. It would also be our first technical climb together, and proved a good route to get to know each other's climbing style.\ We arrived at the Pikes Peak highway gate a little before it opened at 07:30 and paid our $30 to play. We would leave our car at the mile 18 pull-off a little before 8:15.\ At the lot, a lone stranger asked us what route we were climbing. "Zeb's Arete", I said, "Have you ever climbed it before?" Little did I know, I was in the presence of the man himself, Phil Wortmann. He had indeed climbed it before, although he made no more than a short comment about the wind.\ The gully was a loose nightmare - not a place I'd want to be with climbers above me. But we quickly caught up to Wortmann at the starting col, where he was sizing up his line. After a quick word and some beta, he was off, and we were none the wiser of who we'd been speaking with. (I'm really gassing this guy up, but I was seriously impressed. I know too well that I'd be a smug little braggart if I was in his shoes and asked, "Have you climbed this route?")\ By 09:00, my harness was racked, the twins were flaked, and we were starting up the route. ## The Easy Way or the Hard Way I believe that I linked the first two pitches. From a nice ledge, halfway up, I had a choice: traverse right on easy terrain, or ascend directly up a set of twin cracks into a short chimney and a nice ledge. Wortmann had indicated to us that the right was 5.6, and the cracks were 5.9, and so I stood for a moment of hesitation at the crossroads. Ordinarily in the alpine, speed is of the essence, and I have frequently turned down the challenge in the name of safety. But our forecast was clear, and those cracks called my name. I plugged a solid piece and began carefully picking my way up. With many a terrified scream (or perhaps Ondra-esque power cry?), completely sewing up the cracks, I onsighted the variation. By the time I'd caught my breath, I was overcome with stoke, having just sent my hardest trad lead yet, and at altitude!\ Unfortunately, my excitement was short lived. I extended my belay out over the ledge so I could enjoy watching Hattie struggle up my lead so boldly set. Naturally, she crushed it in moments, and promptly downgraded me to a 5.8.

After reviewing the beta again, I actually think it was just the 5.7 described in Mountain Project, having misunderstood Wortmann’s beta. Regardless, it made for a thrilling and aesthetic lead, and I highly recommend it to anyone taking on the climb. The next few pitches were an largely an uneventful mix of 3rd and 4th class. However, this was made up for with a bangin’ splitter crack that shot diagonally up on the ridge proper, offering some spectacular but short-lived 5.6 climbing. I was able to comfortably bump a #3 up, and wish only that it had lasted longer.

The remainder traversed easy, grassy ledges up ridge proper, with any harder variations being completely contrived. This was for the best however, as the rock around here disintegrated in the fingers like kitty litter. Had Hattie and I been more familiar partners, I would have opted to simul or free solo this section, as the rope only really served to slow us down. For the briefest of moments during this time, I did begin to worry at the weather. Clouds started to form to the West, and the crows were circling about - a sign that, in my younger years, I took to mean impending storms. My worries were soon forgotten though - the weather radar shined clear and the clouds never did more than threaten. Sometimes a crow is just a crow.

After 3 pitches on the low class ledges, we found ourselves at the final col. The climbing went out right along an airy traverse with an old piton. This section of the route made the entire day worthwhile. There was a thin ledge, like a stunted version of Yosemite’s Thank God Ledge”, a little smaller than shoulder width. It floated out over the exposure, just enough to get the blood pumping, and I had to shimmy along with my nose practically scraping the wall. Around the corner, we came to our final pitch. From here, we again had a decision. I could climb a set of steep cracks, probably 5.8, or send some easy ledges in the dihedral. I again opted for the harder route, spying many good options for protection, and I sent the onsight after a near slip and a gnarly ring lock. Hattie made quick work of the pitch, apparently finding some far more friendly jams than my finger breakers, and we popped over the route’s summit at 13:45, the car only a few seconds away.
Unfortunately for me, however, the day was not over. We had another 1,000’ to the summit for this to count towards my challenge. Somehow, this 1,000’ took more out of me than the entire route before it, and our yearning glances back to the car did not make the climb any easier.
By 15:00, we were up in the summit lot, feeling more than a little out of place amongst the tourists.

## Donut Lady The true crux of the day would come when, at last, we stepped into the shop, desperate for donuts. We had chosen not to stop for snacks at all during our final ascent, knowing that they would be all the sweeter for it. But to our great dismay, a realization dawned. Neither of us had brought a wallet…\ So as despair set in, and we resigned ourselves to bland granola bars, our day now to be forever marked as a complete failure, the kindest lady in the world gave us her donuts. Whoever you are, donut lady, you will be in my heart always.

Final Thoughts

As far as my trip reports usually go, this was a chill, relaxing day out in the mountains. No scrapes with death, no life lessons learned - we spent most of the day chatting and taking our time. As such, I wondered if I should even write this report, 5th class ascent or no. But it is important to remember that not all alpinism need be of desperate acts done at the threshold. These calm days out, of good company, fresh air, and the freedom of the hills, these too are alpinism at its heart.

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